BA – Listen Challenge
LISTEN CHALLENGE
Understanding in this context is an awareness of how your partner
experiences life. It involves being present, observing context, and listening to
how they describe their experiences without projecting your own. Listening
is a critical component of understanding, which includes listening to what is
not being said, as well as, what is.
Why this Challenge?
To learn and understand your partner on a deeper level.
How to
It can be easy to get caught up in daily routines and schedules. This can even bleed over into conversations, when they get centered on
tasks that need completed or the weather.
The 7-Day Listen Challenge is about pushing you and your partner to talk more deeply. Spend 15 minutes every day truly listening to your
partner. The focus should be on learning and perceiving what your partner is experiencing. A good rule of thumb is to ask 3 questions for every 1
response.
"The biggest communication problem is that we don't listen to understand, we listen to reply."
About Understanding
Empathy starts with listening in order to truly hear what is being said and what is
not being said. When you actively listen, you make a conscious decision to hear
what the other person is saying, try to understand them, and experience pleasure
in creating a space for them to share. A quick litmus test to see how well you are
listening is to ask yourself these three questions:
1) Am I listening to respond more than I am to understand?
2) Am I finding pleasure in providing a space for them to share?
3) Am I more focused on myself than I am on them?
The more you focus on truly understanding your partner, the better able you will
be to empathize with them. Empathy is a powerful tool in your relationship
leading to greater understanding, connection, and fulfillment. Here are some tips
for more empathetic listening.
– Listen for meaning
– Avoid judgment
– Put yourself in their mind and heart
– Notice what isn’t being said
– Ask thoughtful and sincere questions
– Pay Attention to their body language: Context (Is their level and type of body
language appropriate for the situation?). Consistency (Is their level and type of
body language consistent with who they generally are?). Customary (Is their level
and type of body language typical for the customs and norms you have
established in your relationship?)
